My Light

            My life in Orlando, Florida, I would have to say I was at my lowest point of my life, mentally. I would be mentally exhausted by having the exact same daily routines, I felt like I was not doing anything with my life. During my high school days, I was not able to take it anymore. I stopped attending West Orange High School because I felt that I made the right decision to start working Full-Time in order to provide for my mother. I never really had a father role model growing up, my father took his own life away when I was very little, and for so many years I convinced myself that it was the reason that he did that. For so many years, I would cut myself in parts of my body that would not be too noticeable because cutting my forearms would be too obvious. I did not want anybody to come and ask me, “Are you okay? Do you need help? If you ever need to talk to anyone, I’m here.” Point is, I hated people for a good while. I did not want to socialize myself with anybody because they had nothing to benefit for my life. I was extremely tired of it. The only person I really enjoyed being with was my girlfriend Britney, she would be the only person that would make me laugh and really put me in a great mood. She was just like me, she had a hard past with her mom getting brutally killed when she was younger, and her father receiving 25 years in prison. She would at times have some mood swings at times, but man is she a pure soul at heart. Anytime my mother and I would have one of those small arguments about me either coming home late, or not responding to her phone calls, I would just stop by Britney’s house to just hang out and clear my mind. Often stopping by her house at least three or four times a week, her father loved me having around.

             Once I stopped going to school, I went through multiple jobs before settling for one. First, getting a job at McDonald’s. It was one of the worst experiences ever. Customers were always disrespectful and there was too much to stress for just a little bit of money, it was not worth it at all. I ended up quitting that job because it was not worth my time, I did not want to act like a manager when I am not one. Then, I got a job in the kitchen in a really fancy restaurant. This restaurant would often have big caterings that my team and I would take care of. They were big caterings, I am talking more than one hundred people! One hundred people’s worth of food got us an estimate of $3,500 in profit for each of those caterings that we got. Although it would be a pain in the butt to get ready and make sure we had everything to make the order, it was a better experience than the one I had at McDonald’s because I felt like I finally had a goal. With the bonuses you get every 6 months for receiving and taking care of orders like that one, it really motivated me to do better. Gather more people and also earn loyal customers, customers that would call us to cater for them.

Everything was going well until my mother and I had to move to the New York. It hit hard because Florida was my home, it was all I had left. From all of the memories, everything that happened in my childhood, I was going to lose it all. But I could not do anything about it because my mom felt that there would be more possibilities to get our lives together and start a new chapter. I had to break the news to Britney, but I did not want to because we just had one of those small petty arguments, and for a person like Britney, I knew she would not have cared, so I did not bother telling her. Boy was I wrong. After landing and exiting the Newark Liberty Airport, I turned my phone back on to see it was blown up with unread text messages and missed phone calls by Britney. I begin to unlock my phone to call her.

“Hey Britney.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving? Is that your way of saying good bye after I’ve been there for you for an entire year?!” as Britney yells through the phone.

“I’m sorry. I just didn’t think it would matter to you since we just had an argument.”

“It matters to me now since you didn’t tell me. What kind of shitty boyfriend doesn’t tell their girlfriends such things?!”

“It won’t happen again.”

As I said, remembering what I can, the conversation felt like it went on for ages, just her yelling at me. But I was sure I messed up once she picked up the call. I hate it when other people are right, when can I ever be right?

A month went by with just my mother and I living in a one bedroom apartment, Britney and I were still a thing, I was able to get a job at Potbelly Sandwich works in the Sales Associate position. It wasn’t a lot of work that had to be done, all my position required me to do was to learn how to load and dress sandwiches, ring people up in the register, make milkshakes/smoothies, and serve soups and salads. It took a while for me to learn all of that and be able to do it with efficiency, but with all the experience I had with McDonald’s and working in the kitchen, I feel like it has prepared me for what I had waiting for me at Potbelly. The longer that I worked, the more other associates would come up to me for help and to be given tasks. Eventually I would be promoted to the Shift Leader position in my store. That means I was kind of a manager, but I was responsible for my shift to run smooth and for everything to be done. It wasn’t too bad, it was still as annoying as working at McDonald’s because people were just dumb.

5 months go by and I get a special text message from Britney. The text read, “I moved in the Bronx!” So I called her.

“What do you mean you moved in the Bronx?” I ask her.

“While you were gone, I’ve been saving and searching for apartments that we could both move into, and I found the cheapest one right on Kingsbridge!”

“Wow! I really can’t believe you did this! You’re the best girlfriend ever!”

“You know I got you, baby. You can start bringing your stuff tomorrow so we can move in. together.”
            “Will do!” I hanged up the phone with a big smile on my face. I b didn’t think I would ever move out under my mom’s roof at the age of 18, it was surreal to me. My mother already was familiar with Britney, so breaking the news to her shouldn’t be too hard. I get home from work and go up to my mom, and break the news to her. She breaks into excitement, happy for me for finally moving on with my life. I never received this type of support from my own mother, maybe because I didn’t really do much throughout my life, that when I finally leave the house I should be getting my life together; start fresh the way my mom and I were supposed to.

I walk in the new apartment, a decently sized studio apartment with a small kitchen, a living room that you can probably fit 2 king size beds in, and some fresh wooden floors. I felt the change in my life the second I stepped into the apartment, I was happy for once. Starting a new life with one of my favorite person in the world, putting everything that happened in the past to the side, and having each other to motivate us to become better people.

Everything would go well, better than I expected. I thought that living with a loved one would be more difficult due to all the misunderstandings that may happen and all the problems that come from being in a relationship.

Reflection

I feel like relationships with God it is not very much talked about in memoir’s, but my relationship with God it’s what got me through the tough times. Through the times of reminiscing the things that happened to me in Florida, through my life in New York. Ever since I started going to church more often, and also praying more, my whole set of lifestyle started to change.

The reason why I decided to write about this point of my life is because I want to encourage a bunch of people who reads my work and wants to have a relationship with their God, and if it’s not God, then somebody who means a lot to them in their life. It is important to have that connection because it will make your rough times go smoother.